MonkeyBusinessBlog

Gimme Shelter

Well, we covered some heavy subjects today.  I've been searching therefore, for something pleasant or funny to write about this afternoon and I came up dry.  That doesn't mean there aren't plenty of pleasant or funny things in the world, I just don't see any when it comes to the economic outlook.  Therefore, I leave you with not one but TWO vintage Rolling Stones "Gimme Shelter" clips.  Mick Taylor on lead guitar.

"Do The Zombie Bank!"

How did I miss this?  From www.markfiore.com  By the way, when I was a kid, I was lucky enough to have a neighbor and friend Sy Warner who was an executive at London Records.  All my friends and I got autographed copies of the original "The Monster Mash", recorded by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and The Cryptkickers!

My Mike Ness Fetish Collides With My Springsteen Worship!

Check Mike Ness playing "Bad Luck" with Bruce Springsteen.  Yes, this has nothing to do with business but I got a blog so what the hell. 

For Senator Kerry..."It's Hard to Be a Saint in the City."

What's Up With U-2?

Let me just start by saying that I really like U-2.  I've been a fan since the beginning, although I will admit that the last few albums haven't really done it for me.  I heard them do a cover of CCR's "Fortunate Son" yesterday and all I could think of was,  "Why?"  If Bono had done that in front of Simon Cowell (American Idol) he would have said;

"That was simply dreadful.  The arrangement was moronic and your delivery was utterly forgettable.  If I remember anything about you, which I doubt, it will be those sun glasses that are permanently glued to  your head."

Anyway, it seems the last few months the band has obtained the status of "Ambassadors of Planet Earth."  They completely dominated Obama's inauguration party to the point where I almost felt that they had appointed him president as opposed to the country electing him.  I definitely get the feeling that if Bono called the President he could set the Presidential agenda at will.  Meanwhile, yesterday I turn on my favorite new radio station and it's "U-Tuesday" (get it...U -2sday?).  I thought I definitely misunderstood when the disc jockey said that they would be playing U-2 ALL DAY.  It turns out I didn't.  Every song they played yesterday was a U-2 song!  They've come out with their new album and New York radio stations play their music for twenty-four straight hours, they get booked on David Letterman for the entire week, and THEY ARE HAVING A STREET NAMED AFTER THEM IN NEW YORK CITY!  John Lennon has to be spinning in his grave!  Hell, maybe they do control the President's agenda and that agenda is,  "Give my Irish friends whatever the hell they want!"

So if you know what's behind all this, please let me know.

AIG Has Me Singing The Blues

I swear that seconds after I learned that AIG was getting bailed out, yet again, I thought of the great Howling Wolf (aka Chester Burnett) singing "How Many More Years?"! 

How many more years am I gonna let you dog me around?

How many more years can I let you dog me around?

I'd rather be dead...sleepin' six feet under the ground.

I'm gonna fall on my knees, I'm gonna raise up my right hand

I'm gonna fall on my knees and I'm gonna raise up my right hand

I'm through with you darlin'...and I want you to understand..

Howling Wolf is my blues hero AND he was the hero of my Rock n' Roll heroes "The Rolling Stones!  Check out this video as a young Brian Jones and Mick Jagger introduce Howling Wolf to sing AIG this little blues ballad. (Is it too early to start drinking?)

Waiting on The Mighty Quinn!

Rather than bullsh*t us with fantasy budget pronouncements, or un-implementable housing solutions, half in/half out bank nationalizations and assorted other nonsense, I think a government hotline should be set up that feeds directly to this recording of Bob Dylan's "The Mighty Quinn"!  Trust me, it will make you feel a whole lot better than the current bloviating (thank you O'Reilly).   "Just tell me where it hurts and I'll tell you who to call!"

Ev'rybody's building the big ships and the boats,
Some are building monuments,
Others, jotting down notes,
Ev'rybody's in despair,
Ev'ry girl and boy
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.
Come all without, come all within,
You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.

I like to do just like the rest, I like my sugar sweet,
But guarding fumes and making haste,
It ain't my cup of meat.
Ev'rybody's 'neath the trees,
Feeding pigeons on a limb
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
All the pigeons gonna run to him.
Come all without, come all within,
You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.

Now lamp gates ain't gonna do, I can't recite 'em all,
Just tell me where it hurts,
And I'll tell you who to call.
Nobody can get no sleep,
There's someone on ev'ryone's toes
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
Ev'rybody's gonna wanna doze.
Come all without, come all within,
You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn

Song of the Day: The Ramones "Gabba Gabba Hey (Pinhead)

I'm angry today!

A Little Hank Sr. For Tom and Tim.

Yes....I am obsessed with Geithner and Daschle's taxes.  I wonder if I get mad enough and break my TV the next time the story comes out can I deduct the cost of theTV from my taxes?  Why the hell not right?

Also, for you music fans out their, listen to this Hank song and then listen to Queens's "Fat Bottomed Girls" and tell me that Queen didn't write this with Hank's "I Saw the Light." playing in the backround. For some of you who know me, this is another obsession of mine.

Song of the Day: Waylon Jennings "Are You Sure Hank Done it This Way?"

I figure mix in a good dose of Americana for the Super Bowl.  Have a great Super Sunday!

Song of The Day: The Clash "Julie's Been Working For The Drug Squad"

Auto-Bailout: I Am Comfortably Numb

I know it's gotten past the point of no return when I look at the TV and just say, "For Christ's sake, just give them the money and shut them up!  I have become completely numb to what $1 billion is, let alone $15 billion.  Hell, in 2008 I watched UBS write more than that off in a quarter and watched bank stocks rally!  I truly have become comfortably numb.  With that in mind I offer the following tune.  Please sing to Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb";

Hello, hello...is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Fifteen billion is not that big a loan
Come on now, We know Wagoner's a clown
Well I can ease your pain
At least he's not Jimmy Cayne
Relax, relax…I'll need some information first
just the basic facts
Maybe they can sell the cars to Hertz

There's nothing but pain, the dollar is receding
Free markets just smoke on the horizon
Bailouts are coming through in waves
Defaults keep rising despite all our praying
When I was a child Detroit was a winner
Ford and Chevy were up like two balloons
Now all we have are mini-vans
I can't explain, I can't understand how these dopes still have no plan
I have become comfortably numb

I Know I Gave This Song To Meredith Whitney....But This is Too Funny!

Who Can Take A Sunrise, Sprinkle it With Dew?

The state of domestic and global commerce seems to have ground to a halt.  Many of you have been kind enough to either comment or email us your experiences regarding the continued unwillingness on the part of the nation's banks to provide credit to anyone other than Uncle Sam.  This is reflected in Treasury bill yields of practically zero and ten-year Treasury note rates of less than 3%.  We hear stories of banks continuing to sever lines of credit to long time commercial customers as well as the refusal of banks to provide standard bankers acceptances and other transactional guarantees.  International commerce is declining rapidly and it is not just due to declining demand.  Port-to-port delivery of goods requires bank guarantees of delivery as well as short term financing.  Banks are providing neither and thus, the global economy contracts dangerously.  Meanwhile, there are countless stories in this weekend's papers of businesses being driven to bankruptcy for no other reason than their bank relationships, some that have been in place for decades, have been severed over the bank's fear to conduct normal business.

Over the last month the Treasury has injected approximately $250 billion of low cost capital into the nation's banks.  Last week, banks began raising stable funding through the FDIC's new program to guarantee new senior bank debt for the first three years of it's term.  In a holiday shortened week, billions of debt has already been issued.  The combination of immense short-term liquidity that has been provided by the Fed, the FDIC's debt guarantor program and the Treasury's capital injections should start providing positive results.  However, I strongly hope that the Federal Reserve, the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency and the Office of Thrift Supervision are closely monitoring and engaging with the banks and thrifts in their regions.  For example, if the truck maker Navistar is pointing out examples of customers inability to finance either the purchase of new trucks or obtain working capital, the Fed's need to investigate what the problem is.  If the banks aren't lending because they are still terrified about letting capital out the door, stuff them with more capital (provided the bank is otherwise healthy) to make them less terrified and willing to conduct business as close to normal with their strong customers.  Right now, this problem is more important and probably "easier" to fix than the housing problem.  It needs vigorous and steadfast attention.

Alright, enough with the lecture.  All this talk about the importance of banks got me thinking about a little tune that was a big hit when I was a lad.  It was performed by the incomparable Sammy Davis Jr.  "The Candy Man".  Here is a slightly altered version I wrote, "The Credit-Man".  Because some of you are either from overseas, or too young to remember, I've attached a clip of the great Mr. Davis performing his number.  Enjoy;

Who can take a TARP capital, borrow a billion or two
Lend it to a shipyard at a spread of three-oh-two
The Credit Man, oh the Credit Man can
The Credit Man can 'cause he lends it with love and makes the world feel good

Who can take a bridge loan, put it against next month’s supply
Lend it to the General Foods to make groovy lemon pies
The Credit Man, the Credit Man can
The Credit Man can 'cause he lends it with love and makes the world feel good

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Who can simply borrow, debt the Fed will guarantee

Finance a grain dealer and collect a big fat fee?
The Credit Man, the Credit Man can

The Credit Man can make everything he lends practically riskless
He can collateralize your children, and put in any covenant he wishes

 

The Credit Man can 'cause he lends it with love and makes the world feel good
Yes, the Credit Man can 'cause he lends it with love and makes the world feel good
a-Credit Man, a-Credit Man, a-Credit Man
Credit Man, a-Credit Man, a-Credit Man
Credit Man, a-Credit Man, a-Credit Man

From the Archives on a Historic Day

Wow, what a day huh?  A historic bank bailout and a historic two day run for equities.  Just last Friday SKF (the Pro-Shares Financial Ultra Shorts ) topped $300.  Today back down to $173!  There's talk of a homebuilder bailout circulating around, hence the thirty-three percent one day drop for SRS (Pro-Shares Real Estate Ultra Shorts).  A bailout of the homebuilders?  Umm, can someone tell me why? 

All this bullishness got me thinking back to when I got my ass handed to me in April of this year when suddenly the financials were in the fourth quarter or the ninth inning of the crisis and were "dirt cheap".  I was short them up to my eyeballs and got a public schtupping.  Thank God the blog readership was a lot smaller then, although I remember a few of you buggers saying nice things like, "Hey Eric, how do all those SKF's feel up your ass??"  Anyway, in early April I wrote this little song, sung to the tune of The Temptations Classic, "Just My Imagination";

I look at my Bloomberg and watch as the news scrolls on by
I say to myself I'm such a lucky guy
To buy the banks down here is a dream come true
With all the bad news in the world Citi is a steal at twenty and two

But it was just my imagination, once again
Running away with me
It was just my imagination
Running away with me

UBS wrote down 19 billion, that’s a billion with a B
I don’t know about you, but that’s great news for me.
Toll Brothers at 20, glee just blows my mind
The bottom finally is here and value I shall find

But it was just my imagination, once again
Running away with me
It was just my imagination
Running away with me

Every night I hope and pray
"Dear lord, hear my plea
Don't ever let another take Merrill from me
Or I will surely die

The Fed’s love is ecstasy
When their cheap funds enfold me
I hear a tender rhapsody But in reality, if they’re worried shouldn’t I be?

But it was just my imagination, once again
Running away with me
It was just my imagination
Running away with me

 

Markets Getting Killed & Confidence is Splashing Down in the Terlet? Here's Some Fun.

I have been waiting for the right moment for this post.  Today the world famous "Sugar Hill Gang has filed a lawsuit against their long time producer, Sylvia Robinson.  Marvelous Mike and Master Gee are suing Ms. Robinson claiming she owes them about ten years of royalties and claiming that she illegally copyrighted the names "Marvelous Mike" and "Master Gee".  Personally, I don't want to get involved with all the meshugass.  I just have been waiting months to play "Rappers Delight"  here's the story Sugar Hill Gang Sues Producer  and more importantly, here's the clip!

"The Gambler"

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is another classic from one of the best guys on Wall Street, Russ Middleton!

         The Gambler  - By Kenny Rogers
On a warm September evenin, on a squash court in Greenwich.
I met up with a Trader, we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a drinkin, and cursin at the Quotron.
Til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

"You gotta know when to Fuld 'em,... know your not Goldman.
Know when to call the FED, to avoid a run.
You never count your stock options, when yer wife wants a Sable.
They''ll be time enough at Barclays, when the deal gets done."

As if it Couldn't Get Any Worse.....Pink Floyd's Rick Wright Dead at 65

We're sad to learn that one of the truly great keyboard players and musicians of our time, Rick Wright of Pink Floyd, has passed away.  In tribute to Mr. Wright and fittingly on a day when we are losing so much of it, here's a great live clip of Pink Floyd performing "Money".  Normally, we would only put a live Floyd clip on that contained Roger Waters.  However, since Waters kicked Wright out of the band at one point, screw him......for today anyway!

"No Sleep Till Bailout!"

There's been a lot of talk about this week being the first anniversary of "THE CREDIT CRISIS".  My personal one is next month, but that's a story for another time!  Anyway, I wrote this sometime last year and I figure its a good time to post it again.  Young people help the older people with The Beastie Boys!

Sing (scream) to the Beastie Boys “No Sleep ‘til Brooklyn...

Foot on the pedal these bonds gotta settle

Conduits running hotter than a boiling kettle

My job's ain't a job it's a damn good time

City to city I'm sellin subprime

Our vocation bringin homes to the nation

Subprime sales always on vacation

God awful strats but a stable yield table

I do what I do best because I'm illing and able

Ain't no faking your money I'm taking

Going coast to coast Billy Gross's hand I'm shakin

While you're at the job working nine to five

The Subprime sales boys cold kickin' it live

No sleep 'til -

Another dope and false hope

Another bud on the rope

Another call another fight

Come up with our money by the end of the night

Our manager's lazy he collects dust

He's got no balls to stand up to us

Subprime sold around the world you rocked around the clock

Now all a sudden your boss is worried bout the stock

We're slashing credit lines like it's going out of style

Forgettin custy's names cause it aint worth the firms while

H.R. on the floor and your buddy's out the door

Boss is in the back says we got to cut some more

We sold bonds to S.A.F.E now they want their money back

Dollar funds thought they were in the front but really in the back

NO SLEEP ‘TILL BAILOUT... NO!!!!!!

NO SLEEP ‘TILL BAILOUT……YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

"Bad to Own" (From George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone")

The latest from Wall Street's funniest man...Mr. Russ Middleton

(Sing to George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone")

On the day I got long, all the Managers gathered 'round.
They gazed at my blunder, and not one made a sound.
The Head Trader spoke up, he said "It's dropping like a stone!"
They all backed away full knowing, that it was Bad to Own.
        Bad,  Bad to own.   Bad,  Bad to own!
My house in the Hamptons, bought it for two point two.
I put in a few hundred more baby, and now im through.
My neighbor just got thrown out, it's now ...Real Estate Owned.
Bank offer is one point two honey, It's just Bad To Own.
        Bad,  Bad to own.    Bad,  Bad to own!
My stock options are worthless, I've had my last chemical peel.
The bill collectors are in a rush, Repo man took my wheels.
I'm gonna be out on the street, cold and all alone
Just throw a bid on that bond honey, cause - It's Bad To Own!

Angie - 2008

For our dear friend Angelo Mozilo in his time of need. Please sing to The Rolling Stones, “Angie:”

Angie, Angie, how did all your shares just disappear?

Angie, Angie, expanded approval went up your rear

On Option ARMs you couldn’t collect, what the hell did you expect?

All the applications were falsified.

But Angie, Angie, it’s high time your charged and tried.

Angie, you’re beautiful, your face looks like a burnt french fry .

Angie, we still love you, even though you made Fannie cry

All the resids you held so close, have all gone up in smoke

Let me whisper in your ear

Angie, Angie, the FBI investigation is getting near.

Oh, Angie, don’t you weep, the Countrywide golf bag you can keep

But to the Palm Beach mansion wave goodbye.

Angie, Angie, to the D.O.J. you better not lie.

With your stock sale story full of holes, making it up did you smoke a bowl?

You must really think we’re all A-Holes.

Angie, Angie, we still love you baby

You body’s the color of sweet potato pie

But Angie, Angie, you just keep up the shuck and jive.

Angie, Angie, you can’t say you never tried.

The Message

Monolines crashing, S&P downgrading hundreds of billions. Hell, if I read it right, even Bristol Myers wrote off some mortgage debt. Lets leave it alone for today and sing another song. This one I wrote when I was supposed to be working. Sing it to Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five’s “The Message.” If you don’t know how it goes, find a forty something person that you think is cool. They will help you.

Here goes...

Broken bonds everywhere, traders pissing off my client,
You know they just don’t care, I can’t take his credit,
Risk cops making noise, gotta pull his line,
I guess I got no choice

Downgrades in the front and defaults in the back,
Sales manager in the alley with a baseball bat

I tried to get my way, but I couldn’t get far,
‘Cause head of trading just repossessed our VAR

Chorus:
Don’t push me, ‘cause I’m close to the edge
I’m trying not to lose my head
Its like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

Rating agency’s talking trash about our S.I.V.
They sayin we backed too much, it's not healthy

We sold to Florida in the daytime and China at night,
Dollar funds wanted it all, so we put up no fight

Now the funding desk rings our phone,
Seems the SIV can’t roll its paper
It comes as no surprise,
They need a 50 billion dollar loan

We gettin a fast education and some serious humiliation,
'Cause the CEO can't do the job,
And the Board was sleepin' at the station

Me on king kong standin on my back,
Keeping low to the ground, so I don’t get the sack

Midrange migraine,
Cancered membrane,
All this clowning is making me rain insane.

Chorus:
Don’t push me, cause I’m close to the edge
I’m trying not to lose my head
Its like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

An idea was born with no risk management in mind,
Blinded by the greedy ways of mankind

The division head is smiling on you and he’s frowning too,
‘Cause only he knows how much he’s gonna blame on you.

Your accounts will blow up,
The firm will treat them second rate,
And they will sing you a song of deep hate

The places where you used to play and golf all day
Now look like one great big empty alley way

You admired all the syndicate book makers,
Relationship managers and big money makers
Driving big cars, And lighting fat cigars with Bens
Made you want to grow up to be like 'em.

You say these guys are cool and hell-no I ain't a fool,
But then you wind up getting kicked out of the bonus pool

Now you’re unemployed, all null and void,
Sittin home, getting stoned and listening to Pink Floyd

Turned sight seeing kid, but look what you done did,
Everybody’s laying off and the Street ain't got no bid.

Now your livelihood is took, you livin hard in the bag,
Spending your next six months with no hotties to shag.

You were used and abused, and served like hell,
'Till one day in your head, off goes a bell.

It was plain to see that the game was rigged,
It was cold and run by greedy pigs.

Now your eyes sing the all knowing song,
This was the business you chose and that business was wrong.

Chorus:
Don’t push me ‘cause I’m close to the edge
I’m trying not to lose my head
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under.

No Sleep ‘Till Bailout

This goes out to all our brothers and sisters out there, the strong, the proud Structured Product Salesforce going through these hard times. Lets remember the good times.

Sing (scream) to the Beastie Boys “No Sleep ‘til Brooklyn...

Foot on the pedal these bonds gotta settle

Conduits running hotter than a boiling kettle

My job's ain't a job it's a damn good time

City to city I'm sellin subprime

Our vocation bringin homes to the nation

Subprime sales always on vacation

God awful strats but a stable yield table

I do what I do best because I'm illing and able

Ain't no faking your money I'm taking

Going coast to coast Billy Gross's hand I'm shakin

While you're at the job working nine to five

The Subprime sales boys cold kickin' it live

No sleep 'til -

Another dope and false hope

Another bud on the rope

Another call another fight

Come up with our money by the end of the night

Our manager's lazy he collects dust

He's got no balls to stand up to us

Subprime sold around the world you rocked around the clock

Now all a sudden your boss is worried bout the stock

We're slashing credit lines like it's going out of style

Forgettin custy's names cause it aint worth the firms while

H.R. on the floor and your buddy's out the door

Boss is in the back says we got to cut some more

We sold bonds to S.A.F.E now they want their money back

Dollar funds thought they were in the front but really in the back

NO SLEEP ‘TILL BAILOUT... NO!!!!!!

NO SLEEP ‘TILL BAILOUT……YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

SCREAMING GUITARS TAKE US HOME....

(repeat chorus)