MonkeyBusinessBlog: Fed To Announce "Term Yankee Ticket Lending Facility"!

Today the Federal Reserve, in coordination with The United States Treasury Department and Major League Baseball, are announcing a new facility to put fannies in the seats at the new Yankee Stadium. The New York Yankees are suffering incredible embarrassment as many of their best seats go unfilled as fans balked at paying prices ranging from $2,500 to $375 for premium seating. Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke stated

"What's bad for the New York Yankees is bad for baseball, and what's bad for baseball is bad for America. Clearly disruptions in private consumption and liquidity, brought on by the credit crisis, have led to these seats being sold at "fire sale" prices in the secondary market at less than fifty cents on the dollar. These purchase prices are not true market based prices but rather distressed sales. Since, just like our "Legacy Loan" and "Legacy Security" programs, the ticket prices the New York Yankees have set are the correct prices and are not being met due to a severe and extraordinary lack of liquidity. Therefore, we are announcing the following initiatives;

A modest $50 million term lending facility will be set up. This facility will lend on a non-recourse basis, 90% of the listed ticket prices. Therefore, on a $2,500 ticket, the Fed will lend to credit-worthy investors $2,250 AND invest along side with this private capital dollar for dollar. This way, Lord willing, if the Yankees make the playoffs, the taxpayer will share in the upside should anyone be insane enough to pay more than $2,500 for a ticket to a baseball game! It should be noted that the games the government gets will consist of a special package of weeknight only games against the Kansas City Royals, Baltimore Orioles, Cleveland Indians, Texas Rangers and Minnesota Twins.
The Fed will provide special George Bush and Bill Clinton masks for any bankers who wish to participate in the program and are currently utilizing TARP funds, in order to avoid public scrutiny. After all, to be fair to the Yankees, it is for those banks that these four digit ticket prices were aimed at in the first place!
The U.S. Treasury Department, through the FDIC, will contribute $10 million of capital to the new facility. This capital will absorb losses in the highly unlikely event the Yankees continue to muddle along and play .550 ball and tickets can't be given away, let alone sold for face value.

We believe that these bold steps will help to restart the market for $2,500 tickets to a ballgame and get the New York Yankees, Major League Baseball and America back on the winning track. God bless America!